Complete Review “No Secrets, No Lies”

No Secrets No Lies: How Black Families Can Health from Sexual Abuse  Author Robin D. Stone

I recently did a post about this book and I was half-way through reading, you can read the beginning here.

I have had this in my draft for the past two weeks because I was afraid. I would be lying if I said that others words didn’t hurt me. THEY DO.  I do the best I can at protecting my mind but sometimes the negativity gets through.

This book was and IS GREAT for anyone but especially someone who was molested, raped, or assaulted as a child .

This book is why I changed my research paper topic because I want to read more about how others have dealt with being sexually assaulted, raped, molested as well.  As I read this book I saw that I had a lot in common with the respondents and even the writer Robin D. Stone. She went through interviews and even talked to perpetrators who committed these crimes against children at the time.  I also, was a child when I was molested by three different people and I saw myself in just about every woman AND one of the men she talked to.

If you are someone who was molested, raped, or assaulted as a child or adult I suggest you going to the library to read this book because she goes into detail on how to get healed.  I never knew that some people use dance or art as a way to heal.  I have only known about therapy and writing which are the two methods I have been using. I want to start using dancing as a way to heal also.  When you are a young child and you are being touched you like the feeling but in the back of your mind you know you shouldn’t…you start to feel dirty and grow up thinking that you and your body is dirty.  I thought this as well.

I am just starting to REALLY loving my body and what I see. I used to hate looking in the mirror because then I would imagine what the “men” used to do to me and then I would start crying and then I would get pissed. Make no mistake..I have always loved looking in the mirror but I avoided my eyes, I would not look into my eyes because I was afraid of what I would see.

Stone has eight chapters… breaks the chapters down on how you can help yourself as well and how others can help family members. Remember though, you are responsible for your own health. She has provided plenty of resources for and how to get healed.  She gives tips on how to forgive and you know that you must forgive for YOURSELF not the other person. The person that molested, raped, or assaulted you most likely is not thinking about you…but you are worrying yourself to death over what happened. That is not true healing, it’s putting a band-aid on a wound that will soon come off once it gets old.

If you really want to heal please find someone to help you..

Some types of healing include dance, drawing, group therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, music, writing, praying, spiritual counselors and etc. One of the statements that she said that is sticking with me is how you go about choosing who you want to help you.  If you do not feel a connection with someone end the services and keep it moving.

It is no secret that I have been in and out of therapy my whole life, but NOW I am truly healing because the spiritual counselor who is helping me heal happens to be a perfect match for myself and what I need at the moment.  She does not sit across from me judging or try to pretend that she knows exactly how I felt during the lows of my life.  She uses different methods that requires me to REALLY think and be ready for healing.  She would give me assignments and I would be mad at the time but then I would be hugging and thanking her the next time I saw her.  So if you too have been affected in any way and you are still holding on to the hurt…..

PLEASE I beg of you.

GET HELP..

When you go through life holding on to the past you are holding and keeping yourself in the past.  I no longer choose to hold myself back from the blessings that I will receive. I face my problems head on. I am no longer embarrassed by having to get help or advice from others. We could all stand for some one on one healing action.

Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave a comment on how you decide to heal.  Until next time.