Empowering Through Experience

Posts tagged ‘Giving UP’

Go Get It

No words needed from me.. Please ENJOY!!!!!

Love.. What?

Who reading this can raise their hand (don’t worry, I can’t see if you do 🙂 )and say that they automatically knew how to love OR truly knew what love was..

I am in my 20’s and I thought I knew what love was, thought I was madly in love more than once, but in reality I think I was in like and lust…

Which leaves me scratching my head confused as heck..

When asking friends and talking to family about love, the most common response I get is “stop looking and thinking about it and it will come” …

Which in my opinion is harder to say than do when you see it all over and in your face daily… I will say that I am a little envious of my close friends that have love because that is something I want…..But to be honest I really don’t know if I would know if love slapped me in my face because it usually does not come wrapped up in a pretty little bow like we are programmed to think while growing up…

So like my family and friend say, I am going to stop thinking about it…It being love…

 

Please Share below….

🙂

Self-Control

Picture Source

What does this word mean to you?

For me, ‘self-control’ has to do with my health… I have been ‘trying’ to loose weight since I gained it the summer after I graduated from High School…

annnnd after I gained the Freshman 60 NOT 30…..

But in reality I haven’t been trying hard enough…

I love food, but I LOVEEEEE sweets..

This is essentially why I cannot or have not lost any weight.. My self-esteem is quite high….until I try on a dress or jeans that used to fit correctly…. 😦 I know that for me to truly be satisfied with my weight and the way my clothes fit I have to be toned and in a healthy way.  I am now in a process where I am starting to think about how I live and I know that for me to be truly healthy I MUST make a lifestyle change, not just choose to go on a diet where I will loose 5-20 pounds but then gain it right backkk.

What about you? What does self-control me to you?

Guest Post

Hey loves, I did a post on DMVculture yesterday about my life. It’s short and sweet to the point. I’ve never done a post so raw and real. I just let my hands do the typing and what came out is what I left. Please support and head to the site and not only read my post but other posts there. There is alot of information on the site…

The Link:

http://dmvculture.com/2012/embracing-who-you-are-by-javania-m-webb/

 

FAITH

When you believe without fear many doors will open for you.  There has been many times where I felt that I did not know what I was doing where I was going, and plain ole stressing about day-to-day expenses.  Since I have learned to stop stressing things have been better for me. BUT my ego and pride was hurting me with out me knowing it.. Since I let go of stress AND my Ego, Pride I have not been as sick and I am happier about living.  Stressing brings about many issues that you wouldn’t realize until after you have gone through that time.  I was raised to be very independent and at times I have to look at myself and shake my head because of the things I struggled with alone that I do not have to.  I firmly believe that when your ego and pride prevents you from asking for simple things the universe makes it harder for you.

I will give you a real example from my life:

Last month I had my rent, when to turn in my rent check and then left to go work out.  While drive I was hearing this loud noise coming from the left back side while my car was moving but would stop when I was not moving.  When I got to my friends house I got out to look at the back of my car my tire was flat with this biggggg ole piece of metal in my tire.. I immediately was like, geez if it is not one thing it is another.

But I did NOT stress, I just took it with stride.  I was calm and felt that I couldn’t not do anything about it then, so to just keep it moving and worked-out.  Even when I went to a mechanic, and they could not patch it because the hole was too big I remained calm. I was sent to another mechanic and they were able to help me. A patch was $15 and a used tired was $40. I got the used tire because that metal ripped my tire on the inside. When it came time to pay, I handed the mechanic one of my credit cards, that card was declined.  I then gave him another credit card that card was declined as well. I gave him another credit card and that card was declined.  I was like damn, three credit cards and none are going through… my thought was “well my rent check will bounce”.  I handed him my debit card. Then started stressing because I did not have any extra money to pay for this tire. After I left I called my apartment complex to see if they could hold my rent check because I was going to get paid on that coming Wednesday… They have a check scanner and had already scanned my rent check. I was trying to figure out where I could get $4 from. I went through my change and did not have it, looked through old purses and wallets and could not find four dollars..

Through out this whole process the thought of calling my family NEVER crossed my mind.  I cried myself to sleep that night,  woke up, and THEN thought about what family member I was going to call for help.  Didn’t want to call my brother because he had just helped me pay a minimum balance for one of the credit cards that was declined. I called one of my aunts and asked for $4.  My aunt was like why would you just ask for $4, and my response was that is all I need auntie.  We talked and I then sent her my bank information.

That one phone call stressed me out to the point where I was feeling like a failure for not having $4.  Simply because my ego and pride was too big to pick up the phone and call home, I also learned a valuable lesson.

The devil has a way of holding you back when you are not humble. Now I have been yelled and fussed at on numerous occasions about now calling on family when I need something.  When your pride is bigger than life because you don’t want to seem like “whatever” God will being you back to a reality that you don’t understand while you are going through whatever you are going through.

Plain and simple I was embarrassed.

 But WHY?

I felt that I should be at a place in my life where I should not have to call and ask for help or money.  Well…… truthfully I NEVER call and ask for help.

I just suffer.

I just starve.

Until my next payday…. Which is a little extreme.. I NOW know this..

Once I figured out that I was suffering and struggling as much as I was because of my ego and pride I vowed to stop.

Here are the steps I took (disclaimer, this is how I got over MY issues, this may not work for you but feel free to use them if you want):

  • Prayer. Once I prayed to God asking him to take my ego and pride from me I have been responding and reacting to situations differently.
  • Practice. I started practicing on how I would ask for help when I NEEDED said help.  I made up scenarios and practiced how I would react.
  • Reassurance real like events.  Something happened day after day and that is how I got my conformation that I needed to let that ego and pride go for good.

My faith is getting stronger daily and I know that there is reason behind this.  I am so thankful for the learning I am being provided.  When you are going through trials you may not understand at the time, but after those trials are done. YOU will see and understand.

What stress and struggle have you forced onto yourself? How did you overcome and stop bringing pain onto yourself?

Do YOU need HELP?

For Suicidal Thoughts or Actions?

Do you know someone who has made suicidal comments recently or in the past?

If so please take the time out to read this post and HELP…..

                                                                                                  Image Source

As someone who tried to commit suicide to end the pain I was going through at the time (I thank God daily that  I did not succeed), I always want to help others who are feeling suicidal. I work at a crisis call center for individuals who are suicidal or homicidal. I go out into the community to prevent suicides.  At times it does not always work.  They are too far depressed or was not able to get help sooner.

If you know someone who has said anything to you Suicidal please call the hotline number 1-800-273-8255 to get them some help even if they protest. Suicide is nothing to make light of..

If someone is coming to you saying “odd” things or acting “odd” it is usually a cry for help. Don’t let that cry go unheard. Some individuals don’t want to come out and say the words be it embarrassment or shame. I know that if my college roommate hadn’t walked in when she did, life would be different for me. I never went to my friends and said that I wanted to commit suicide… I was “all smiles and jokes” hurting and rotting on the inside…

If YOU reading this is going through hard times and you want to commit suicide to end the pain I BEG you to try to get help first and know that whatever you are going through right now will get better. You have to work at it and be patient. Please call that hotline number, it’s 24/7 so someone will be there to talk to you any time of the day.

Remember someone loves you. And that someone should start with YOU.

 

Here are some links that you can read to get familiar with suicide:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm

http://healthmad.com/mental-health/myth-and-facts-about-suicide/

http://suicidehotlines.com/

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

That Suicidal Hotline Number again is 1-800-273-8255

2011 In Review

Me in March 2011.

Happy.

Sad.

Monumental.

Gazillion of lessons.

Lost friendships.

Gained friendships.

Ended a relationship that never should have been.

Semi-Rekindled a relationship with a close family member.

Met some women.

One is a potential.

Got a couple of jobs (PT but helpful nonetheless).

Decided that I am not going to pigeonhole myself to stay here in St. Louis.. I am single with no dependents.

Hosted two events… One here in Saint Louis and another in Chicago:

“Embracing Who You Are”

“Youth Self-Empowerment”

Learned my niche and how to stay in my lane.

Was apart of “Embrace The Skin You’re In” hosted by Brittany “Miss Fitt Britt’ Ramsey.

Got burned by people using me and stealing ideas.

Placed myself into some financial troubles.

Went to Florida to see my nieces, oldest brother and sister in law.

Watched my older younger brother complete one of his biggest dreams (Becoming a Police Officer).

Got the EIN number for my business.

Met and interviewed Lisa Price.

Met and got business advice from Rae Lewis Thornton *Sad that I don’t have a picture :-(.

Was apart of a great movement “Show Me The Blog” birthed by Danyelle Little.

Met and Stanned for Miss Robbie of Sweetie Pies.

Gained three mentoring clients.

Became apart of a movement “I’m Gay Now What” which is a mentoring Non Profit for LGBTQ Teens.

Did a guest post on a national blog Nicole Clark about “Hate in the LGBTQ Comminity”.

Applied for Graduation and will be walking across the stage May 11, 2012.

 

Me December 2011

I came into my own this year. I love who I am and no one can take that away…

Always make sure that you learn from the lessons that you go through in your life. Good or bad, there is always a message.

I want to take the time out to thank you all for reading and supporting my blog. I started this blog on WordPress in August got way over the amount of views that I expected. That means a lot to me and you all can expect more blog posts (not gonna say daily) from me in the new year….

Love you all, God Bless and Happy Early New Year.

 

XoXo, Javania

Me, Myself, and I Circa 2005

Here is a paper I did Spring 2005… My second semester in college….. I was 19 and angry at the world.. The growth that I have done is AMAZING…

“Every year I ask myself, what do I want to change about me? It is always the same statement: I want to change my bad ass attitude.  It never fails; I will be nice or try   to act nice for about a good week; then I will back to my old ways giving any and everybody attitude.  So this year I made more than one New Year’s Resolution so I could at lease accomplish one.  The first one is of course to change my attitude, but that one can wait a while because my second one is to get off of academic probation.  This one will be the most challenging one because I messed up so early and I have a low grade point average.  I played around last semester and this is where I ended up feeling low and stupid and I will work harder than ever this semester so that I can earn a 3.0 grade point average and get out of the gutter.  I have to do this for me because I am the one who is suffering. I am the one who got me into this and I have to be the one to get myself out of it.

The first resolution will always be hard for me because people do not know what other people go through from day to day and when people jump to conclusions or say blurt things out it upsets me.  I am one of those girls that many always hear about with the bad attitude problem.  I have a major one and it will not be a good idea to get on my bad side because it will be over then.  When I try to be nice, it does not work.  I feel as if I am being phony, so I go back to the way I was, or stop trying to be nice.  Hopefully I will change for the better because I do not want the reputation of being “The Bitch”, but I also do not want the reputation of the soft girl that take anything.  Many say I will die from a heart attack and I do not want that; so maybe if I go to some anger management classes I will have a much better attitude.  I am the biggest baby on earth, but have the saddest attitude.  What kind of combination is that?

My second and most important New Year’s Resolution will be easy to achieve if I just sit down and focus for once in my life.  When I want something badly, I get it and I want so badly to get off of academic probation so all I have to do is do it and stop talking about it.  I am going to accomplish this by earning a 3.0 grade point average in all of my classes.  Studying is the big priority for me because I do not know how to study.  I never had to study until last semester and I see where that got me.  Going to tutoring whenever I need help will be hard for me.  My pride and ego is the cause of this. I am too big headed and need to know that it is okay to not understand a certain subject and not being ashamed to show it or tell.

My grades never struggled in high school the way they did last semester and it is very embarrassing to have to take a class over with the same teacher knowing that I slacked in her class.  Making this 3.0 grade point average will benefit my life so much because I will not be on academic probation anymore. I will be able to transfer if I still desire to do so next year.  Also, I will feel good about myself knowing I set a goal and achieved it, and it was dealing with school, and I did it with out a problem.  A person may not have any flaws on the outside.  They might not be visible, but that does not mean that they do not have any problems at all.  This is me, I am so messed up on the inside, and I know what I have to do to change what is wrong.  I have to start with the most important problem right now.  My education and whatever else will have to come second.”

Eyes Circa 2008

Here is another post I did in 2008 sometime…

When I look into your eyes, what do I see?

I see sadness of hurt from your past relationships;

I also see longing, in your eyes you wanting to love me

But not knowing how

 or wanting to get hurt;

But at times you see the same pain in my eyes,

Only I will not allow you to get close.

My heart is wounded; it just needs a little time to heal;

From all of the disappointment and frustration

Of needing and wanting to be loved,

But not knowing how to ask or receive it

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